Trans-Neptunian Objects
“My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine…”; well sorry, Pluto, you were demoted from planet status all these ten years ago and no longer hold a sacred spot in the infamous pneumonic to outline the planets of our solar system in order of increasing orbital radius. While the inhabitants of Pluto were not given a vote in the matter, I am quite sure they are indifferent to the nominal demotion and would probably defer their status to one of the seven moons in our solar system that are actually larger than Pluto itself: four of Jupiter’s moons (Gaynemede, Callisto, Io and Europa), one of Saturn’s moons (Titan), one of Neptune’s moons (Triton), and even our very own beloved moon all would completely eclipse Pluto, even side by side. Not to mention the objects hovering near Pluto’s orbit of similar size, such as Eris, Makemake, and Haumea and quite a few others. Why no planetary status for these? After all, they orbit the sun with similar periodicity to Pluto. All other pieces of legislation should be suspended until NASA can have an exclusive session with Congress to promote these sleeping giants to their proper place – we should even forfeit the Bill of Rights until these promotions take place to show our allegiance to these solar system bodies that are otherwise neglected desolate wastelands. We cannot imagine how important this is. How will these ever become potential colonies for our children unless we can prioritize their sanctioning and recognition? As should be obvious (though, perhaps not) I am being rather farcical here, and, in truth, think it is best to let sleeping giants – and frozen rocks of methane – lie. And yet, we are potentially on the verge of forfeiting our freedom for far more trivial things, like procuring a culture where being offended by something, including truth, is the equivalent of being raped. One problem with that: that, itself, is offensive to many. So, until we can dispense with the veneer of our hyper-litigious, hyper-offended prerogative, l motion to retract Pluto’s retracted planetary status, which should certainly open the conversation for Makemake and its cronies.
