Insults

“You dare to come to me for a heart, do you? You clinking clanking clattering collection of caliginous junk!”  That is an insult one might expect from a common peasant, or even a court jester, but hardly from a ‘great and powerful wizard’.  Yet, that is precisely the personal indictment that the Wizard of Oz gives to the Tin Man in the movie that bears the wizard’s title as its…well, title.  Had the Tin Man not been exemplifying the characteristics that were supposedly to be ascribed to the cowardly lion in this moment, and had he met the condition of having insider intel on the massive charade that the fraud wizard was scheming on all the ignorant people of Oz, he might have had the heart to say something like “You dare insult the intellect of a man wielding an ax in your court, you piteous pietistic pusillanimous pathetic perverse prick!  Cease your careless cacophony of a charade before my blade butchers your backside!”   I confess, this may have been a bit much for a Tin Man, but he was seeking a heart, after all, a would have been devoid of one at this encounter.  Insults should not be our default mechanism of engagement, particularly with those we might default to considering as enemies.  However, I don’t think they are completely off the radar of someone pursuing perfect piety.  Elijah asked the prophets of Baal to cut themselves and chant louder since their god might have been indisposed on the toilet.  Nahum, speaking for God to the Israelites, said that God was going to, and I quote, “pelt you with filth”.   (Let’s not forget the Holy Spirit inspired these words).   Jesus himself - God in the flesh - called the self righteous among him “whitewashed tombs, snakes, vipers” and King Herod a “fox”!  Again, these were not normal parlance for interactions, but they were interactions that did occur, nonetheless.   

Here are a few more insults from history that might surprise and entertain you:

1. "He had delusions of adequacy ” Walter Kerr

2. "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”- Winston Churchill

3. "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure. - Clarence Darrow

4. "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.”-William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

5. "Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"- Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

6. "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it.” - Moses Hadas

7. "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” - Mark Twain

8. "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.” - Oscar Wilde

9. "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one.”   -George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

10. "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one.” - Winston Churchill, in response

11. "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here” - Stephen Bishop

12. "He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” - John Bright

13. "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.” - Irvin S. Cobb

14. "He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.” - Samuel Johnson

15. "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up. -  Paul Keating

16. "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.” - Forrest Tucker

17.  "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” - Mark Twain

18. "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” - Mae West

19. "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” - Oscar Wilde

20. "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination.” - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

21. "He has Van Gogh's ear for music.” - Billy Wilder

22. "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But I'm afraid this wasn't it.” - Groucho Marx

23. The exchange between Winston Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison." He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

24. "He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." - Abraham Lincoln

25. "There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." -- Jack E.  Leonard

26. "They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." --  Thomas Brackett Reed

27. "He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them." -- James Reston (about Richard Nixon) —Robert L Truesdell

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